officialunitedstates:

you’re brushing your teeth when suddenly your mint toothpaste tastes like eggs. do you

a)  power through and continue brushing
b)  wash your mouth out
c)  go to your fridge and get out the eggs and bite one to see if it tastes minty

(via pagingme)

Me masturbating to porn

  • Me: This is so hot.
  • Me: *orgasms*
  • Me: ...
  • Me: What is this filth